Ven though I was a football lineman in high school and then at a smallcollege, I always knew I had an urge for womens clothes and beingsubmissive. I recall having thoughts of being in a cage in my parentsback yard as my friends played hide and seek. I used to snitch stuff andthen go into the woods to an abandon house to dress up. The risk of beingfound and used was such a rush.But there was one Halloween - I was probably 16 or 17, I mustered up thecourage to go out trick or treating. My. DNA proved him wrong.”“And...?” I made the tell me more motion.“During the divorce, Ma’ma insisted we be tested. Daddy had been snipped. Pater was disturbed to find out that he was, indeed, Daddy. ‘Spontaneous Remission,’ said the court“By the prenup, he and his family were ‘required’ to ‘care’ to the best of their ‘financial ability’ for his heirs ... me.” He grinned.“Grandmere and the Pater? I never saw them again. The casket was closed. Pieces ... of them and other victims were inserted to. Maybe that butterfly effectwill happen and they won't have to be dead at all. It isn't rational, butsomething seems to reassure me that that is how it will be and I feelmuch better.Suddenly, I realize that I'm now ten years old and not eleven anymore.I've just crossed another boundary. When will it stop, when I'm a zygote?Another realization comes to me: when my age changed, Mama went fromthirty-one to thirty, which is strange because I had thought she wastwenty-two. My eyes grow wide. She is. Now, every time he saw a sunset, or a high meadow covered in a pristine blanket of snow, or any of nature's myriad other treasures, he could not help but think of 'Cilla. He still had trouble reconciling the memory of her horrible death with the joy her image brought to his heart.Miz Jane had told him he loved 'Cilla, and he reckoned she had the right of it, but it was an almighty confusing kind of thing to be afflicted with.It was well after dark by the time Buck and the other horse plodded.
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