.. as if I were a girl. (My mother in hearing this, tookmalicious pleasure, "rubbing my nose into" what had happened, or beensaid.) So in school I was the sissy that almost everyone picked on. At home Iwas the boy that should have been a girl.There were three shining lights in my childhood. The illuminations thatkept me from wholly giving up, and mentally dying, were my great AuntMadge, reading, and a neighbor lady named Janice. Aunt Madge was a spinster who during the summer months, I was. "There's a good girl, come on," said the man. He clipped the leash onto her collar. Jane looked down at the chain dangling from the man's hand all the way down to her neck, and tentatively touched her collar. Sure enough, there was a semicircular ring fixed to it, like a big, metal letter D."Come on, I'm not kidding." The man tugged at the leash, pulling her towards the door.It was all Jane could do not to fall over, tripping over the cage. She tried to step over it, but the chain between her. പിന്നെ ഞാന്‍ ആരോടും പറയില്ല എന്ന് മനസ്സിലാക്കിയ ശേഷമോ എന്തോ ഒരു മയവും ഇല്ലാതെ പിടിക്കാന്‍ തുടങ്ങി ..ഞാന്‍ ദേഷ്യത്തോടെ ഒന്ന് നോക്കിയാല്‍ അവന്‍ ചുണ്ട് കടിച്ചു ഒരു വികൃതമായ ചിരി പാസ്സാക്കും …ഒരിക്കല്‍ പോലും എനിക്ക് അവനോട ലൈഗികമായ ഒരു തൃഷ്ണ പോലും തോന്നിയിട്ടില്ല ..ചന്ദ്രേട്ടന്‍ എന്നും രാത്രി ശരീരത്തില്‍ കയറി നടത്തുന്ന അഭ്യാസങ്ങള്‍ മാത്രം മതി ആയിരുന്നു എന്നിലെ സ്ത്രീക്ക് സംതിപ്തി അടയാന്‍ …പല രാത്രികളിലും നന്ദുവിന്റെ പ്രവര്‍ത്തികള്‍ സ്വപ്നം കണ്ടു അസ്വസ്ഥമായി ഭയത്തോടെ ഉറങ്ങിയിട്ടുണ്ട്….ആദ്യ പ്രസവം. I followed his order, knowing that he would punish me heavily if I didn’t. He stuffed a soft rubbed ball inside my mouth and pinched my lips shut with his fingers. I waited with my lips pursed around the smooth playful ball as he rummaged in the darkness for more tools. He came back and stuffed ear plugs inside my ears. It only took another minute to drape my head with a leather hood and zip it in the back. I couldn’t hear or see anything in the darkness of the hood. It had a cold smooth.
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